Do you own your pet, or does your pet own you?
According to this article, people who are allowed to bring their dogs to their office are less stressed at work.
Fantastic.
We say this in the true sense of the word; i.e., fantasy-based and unbelievable. The opposite of realistic. First of all, it should go without saying that the idea of bringing pets to the office to lower stress levels surely says more about the American workplace than it does about any benefits that animals may offer.
That said, we do understand that dog owners are gratified by the attentions they receive from their pets. It’s a very heartwarming and sweet interaction, but it’s also something that a mature human being should be able to go without for a few hours. When a study shows that people’s psychological reliance on their pets extends to this level, the question becomes less about bringing dogs to work and more about unhealthy emotional dependence.
The relationship between pet and owner is personal; bringing it into the professional sphere turns it from a leisure-time choice into an aspect of on-the-clock performance. Do you really want to open that can of worms, Joe Pet-Owner? (Or—to put it in your terms—pull that thread of the argyle dog-sweater?)
Think, in particular, of the logistics involved, such as those pertaining to feeding, waste management and hair. There’s also the “playful” banter and “lively” activities in which dogs usually engage when in one another’s company. Anyone advocating for dogs in the workplace should have some pretty ironclad “barking and humping” talking points up their sleeves (next to the plastic baggies).
And, of course, there’s the fact that there will be animals in the office. Who bumped into Jerry while he was carrying the coffee jug? What’s that startled yelp every time the intercom buzzes? Where are the snacks I had in the back of my drawer? And who left this little “present” on my presentation? These are all good questions.
Furthermore, in any given workplace, there will be pet owners and non-pet owners. The proposal of bringing dogs into the workplace immediately gives rise to two distinct difficulties:
1) People who don’t own pets have chosen to live pet-free. Social obligations are one thing; visiting friends who have pets is something that pet-free people are willing put up with. But the workplace should be as free of pets as it is of politics and preaching.
2) “I want to bring both of my dogs to work, but I’ll also need to bring my cat, too, because they keep each other company while Mommy’s not home during the day. Don’t worry, they hardly ever squabble! I’ll just keep the litter box in the break room with my parakeets.”
Finally, where does the need for this feel-good companionship end? Will Denny’s start offering a pet menu, featuring pictures of squirrels and other dogs’ asses? Will people start bringing their dogs to the movies, to keep them from getting “stressed out” during the scary parts? (For that matter, how old does a dog have to be to get in to an R-rated movie?)
Essentially, if we take this concept at face value, the implication is that dog-owners’ personal and emotional needs apparently trump their professional and social responsibilities. Which, we can only imagine, must be an unsettling discovery to make about oneself.
A leash has two ends. Which one are you on?
P.E.D.A. 